I’ll assume you don’t follow all my goings on online and just give you a quick summary of some interesting events that make me question the truthfulness of Post Traumatic Slave Disorder, or what I’ll call black people being all messed up in the head.

CGO isn’t usually where I pour my personal sentiments about life experiences and observations but as a cultured girl, or in this case a colored girl, I find it necessary to tell how recent mediums have all brought attention to the unsightly fact that amongst faux advancements in social structures and racism, that racism and self-hatred is running amok.

As detailed in my plea to Black Twitter , a few weeks ago (and oddly enough again three days ago) I was the target of cyber bullies. Both times, attacks were made on my color, my hair texture, I was likened to animals and more recently a black genie, and amongst being called out my name I was also called “Slave Face”. Okay. Process that.

I’m over the attacks themselves but I ‘m not over the thinking and attitudes that shape some black persons attitides toward other black people. So, I was happy to be invited by Bill Duke to a screening of Dark Girls. Maybe I’d get some answers as to why black people fight with such negative attitudes toward each other.

The movie did provide historical and psychological insight as to why such things as colorism and the association of dark tones to badness, to ugliness. Now I know. However, I still felt numb.

Two weeks ago, Dr. Drew Lifechangers featured topic was Good Hair. Guest battled about the naturally curly, kinky, or coiled hair versus relaxed hair and hair extensions. Comments from male guest highlighted both positive views toward naturally textured hair while others made condescending comments about whether their kids hair would come out based on the moms textured. Okay. Processing that. I got it.

Lastly, about a day after that Toure wrote on the unrelated topic of upgrading the Black National Anthem to something more soulful, something that could be partied to. Here we get some other insight proving we’re all messed up in the head. Song aside, do all black people do the two step, and must they do it to a song that historically was reverenced and considered honorable? Do we all act like we’re at Madea’s family reunion? Is one black persons definition of being black everyone’s definition of being black? Though opinions are ones right, why suggest something that really makes it sound like Toure as the anointed spokesperson for every black person (read sarcastically) thinks all black people should all do the Cupid Shuffle to a Marvin Gaye song.

As self-hating as this statement is, sometimes I get tired of being black. It’s all this weight and baggage that you may or may not choose to carry but that you must. Hated by those who historically have and by those who by their same racial classification shouldn’t.

Amongst all examinations and discussions, there seems to be no solutions or satisfying answers. Just carry your load and burdens as there is no one to bear them for you. It’s best to not be bitter or focus on the very real woes of being black, but the never ending cultural nonsense makes one wary.

The only solution seems to be superhuman, and focusing on the beautiful creation that each of us are, independent of how other humans name or judge us. In a fear inspiring way, I am wonderfully made.

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