If you’ve been following this blog at all, you’d know that I’m working through a little something, uh hem, finding happiness especially after feeling like somebody stuck their foot up my rear end and kicked around a bit. Again, I won’t name names. What I will do, is generalize my experience in saying I’m confused by (not tired of) men. Black ones to be exact.

After spending the past month or so obsessing over what I could’ve done differently in order to have a different result with love, sitting on the set of a black women’s entertainment program analyzing the discussion about black women and what we need to do to get men to commit, and then being introduced to the attached video by my bud, Jay Fingers (@jayfingers), I’m forced to rethink my whole approach to dating and love.

The title of this post tells you the direction I’m going with this, but let me give you a little background on my thought process. I’d like to think of myself as a successful, Christian woman. I can hold my own, as the girls say. I’m a healthy and good looking girl at ### pounds and nearly six feet tall. I possess a good grasp of the English language, can hold a relatively decent conversation when I want (a little shy and soft spoken by nature), and can captivate a man.

What I don’t have is a man! LOL. Okay, maybe that isn’t funny but I know I echo a lot of sisters with credentials far beyond the humble ones I possess who are essentially uttering the same thing. What’s a sister to do?

When I refer to upgrading myself, I actually am not thinking in terms of becoming a better woman to attract a man. I just want to become a better woman. Period.

After assessing myself over and over in relationships real or imagined (depending on who you’re asking), I have come to terms that I need to fill whatever need I feel I have for a man BEFORE even thinking about entertaining another person. That sounds lonely but it’s honest.

After reading It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken about a hundred and fifty-lebum times, I should know by now that I have to take the time being alone to develop qualities, skills, and mindsets that will support me being happy and satisfied with whatever circumstance I’m in. Make sense? I think so.

For example, right now, while a generally complicated relationship doesn’t exist in my life, I need to ask what about me attracts a certain kind of man. Is it my maternal instinct? Is it that looking-for-daddy syndrome? Do I emasculate men by my, “I Got This ‘Cause I’m A Woman  and Hear Me Roar, *prrr*” mentality? What is it?

I’ve been working all of this out in a handy little journal because I’m really trying to figure this one out. What I’m curious to know is how many woman like me really take a personal assessment to see what behaviors trigger the experiences in their lives that they are unhappy with, in this case, singleness. Additionally, could the answer be that we don’t necessarily have to do work to improve our chances with a mate, but rather to kill whatever baggage and emptiness that we may be using men to fill? I don’t know, but I’d like to know your thoughts.

In the meantime, pun intended, I’m going to be taking my handy journal and working out what the issue is. I’m digging for answers while upgrading my art, my knowledge, my career, my mind and and my body. Best believe, I want to be whole when Mr. Right comes because, ladies, he IS coming.

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