This morning I feel very warm inside. Not because I’ve drank a cup of hot coffee with french vanilla creamer, whipped cream and cinnamon swirled all squiggly on top. I feel this way because of the wonderful people I spent my evening with. It was unplanned—one of those spontaneous, ’let’s call up so and so and so and go do thus and so’. We enjoyed a nice dinner together and everyone left uplifted.
At this point in my life, I’m suffering from a biological clock that has loudspeaker, bass, a PSA system or something. Additionally, I unabashedly want to be married. Neither of those desires seem like something that will come immediately, but rather than suffer in loneliness and that seeming feeling of being unfulfilled, I occasionally must remind myself that if love is what I want to give and receive, there is no shortage of people to give or get it from.
I feel like I could accurately say that I have a heart the size of Texas. I love easy, fall fast, and sniffle and cry “why he don’t love me?” to my mama far too often. Logically, why give love to someone who doesn’t deserve it?
It’s not even romantic love that I feel I need to express. Bump romance. That’s the trickiest kind. However, the love of my friends and my family is so rewarding, so encompassing, that I feel relieved of some of the burdening emotions that plague me from time to time.
Instead of focusing on what I don’t have, I am working to change my thinking. I can be a friend, be a support, be a listener, be a provider of love and attention, be a sister, a daughter, a surrogate mother, an aunt—someone that another person needs. I can be generous and share. After all there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving, says the Bible.
In doing so, I feel happy. Happy to know the people I do, to have the family that I have, the brothers and sisters in my congregation, the children that bring laughter and joy into my life, the friends that keep me sane and avert tragedy and most of all the God that has provided alllll of this to me.
I’m never lacking in love, nor lacking the love of others. I feel content. Complete.